17/02/2015 by Mikkel Nielsson
The ten football types..
Translated freely from DBU Jylland’s cool article “Ti typer der giver træneren grå hår”, we here bring you ten football types, that gives the coach a hard time.
Most of the types are probably found in CBS Sport’s other disciplines as well.
- The Festive Player
The festive player is quite a good football player, but doesn’t always prioritize the sport. Often this player has been out all night before the match and looks like it when showing up – IF showing up. Usually end up texting the coach a message at 02 AM to cancel.
- The Hypochondriac
Is at full power when doing execises with the ball, but as soon as it is time for physical execises without the ball, all kinds of injuries turns up; hurtful ankle, pain in the groin etc.
- The Henpecked Player
Could be an important player for the team, but has to attend (his/her partners’) thousands of family gatherings every weekend – often in Jutland.
- The Tactician
Constantly yells at and directs his/her teammates. The directions however do not match the coach’s, and the well-intentioned directions are often creating more confusion than actually helping.
- The Time Optimist
Is always late! And always has an excuse for it; “the bus didn’t show”, “my bike got a flat tire” and so on. Annoying for the coach, but good for the fine box.
- The Anti-talent
Really wants to show of skills and qualities, but unfortunately the talent falls short. This however does not prevent the player for dribbling whenever possible – even in own penalty box.
- The Rugrat
Plays with the ball and does not listen to the instructions given by the coach for the next exercise. Five seconds into the drill, the player asks about the rules, and the coach has to repeat everything again.
- The Injury-prone Player
Probably the biggest talent of the club, if he/she ever got to show it. Injuries sets this player back again and again. Often this player believes in full recovery twice as fast as everybody else (including physiotherapists, doctors, etc.) and starts too soon – resulting in a new injury five minutes into the match, or maybe even at warm-up..
- Butter Hands
The team’s only goalkeeper and thereby always in the starting line-up. Unfortunately costing a few points every season, as the gloves got no glue on them..
- Curious George
The coach receives unreasonable many texts from this player, asking for meeting time, how to get there, what to bring and so on – even though all information is sent out on email AND posted in the facebook group.